I was in a marriage gone abusive. I wanted to get out of it, but lacked the courage to get free. I prayed for God to show me how to get me out of that 23 year mess.
The "wolf dreams" showed up in the past but I didn't recognize them. For
example , at the time my daughter , Cherrie was about to
get married ,I dreamt that she needed to be rescued from
some kind of a cult and there was a group of people that
came to my aid. A group of maybe around twenty that wore
wolf skins with the head section hanging down over their faces.
During my last year that I was still in the relationship, however, the wolf dreams came more often, more vivid, and I was able to remember
them in detail when I awoke. Now that I think back, I can see that the dreams were sent in answer to my prayers, to give me courage.
Well at least that's what I concluded at the time.
In reality ,that Autumn, some large animals had broken in to our pheasant coop.
They just pushed their way right through a heavy gauge wire until it gave then they squeezed them selves in and proceeded to kill most of the birds.
The power of it was amazing .We found traces of grey silver and black hairs left behind in the wire and some very large paw prints.
In one of the first "wolf" dreams, there were wolves outside the house threatening to get in the door.
My husband was out there with his gun trying to shoot them . The lock was broken on the door and I didn't have the strength to hold it closed .
For one moment I though if I was fast enough I could step away from the door to find something to help me keep out the threatening danger.
As soon as I did, one of the wolves broke in and lunged for me open mouthed teeth flashing. It got me and bit me in the face.
I woke up after that and I could feel my face burning. That scene ,I assume now was to get my attention.
In reality I know that I felt powerless to stand at my door and keep out the one who had no respect for my boundaries, my body.
And to me the outside world was a dangerous place to be. I wasn't safe anywhere. I saw my protector out there with them with his power,
his rifle and still I was not safe.
In the next dream, I wandered up to an outdoors cosmic study group. A native elder woman was teaching about the animal legends, pointing out in the panoramic night sky the animal shapes and the constellations. I remember in particular her pointing out the planet Sirius, the dog star. She turned to look right at me and asked me if I had spoken to the wolf. I was taken by surprise and sheepishly said "no."
In my next dream, I was outside working in the garden when I had noticed that the grass was very long. I thought to myself, "Now I know why we keep the grass cut. It's so the wild animals can't sneak up on us." At that point, out of the long grass came a huge grey wolf, chained to a smaller and darker wolf. I was afraid, but remembered that I was supposed to talk to them so I asked the wolf what it wanted. The big grey one put his paws up on my shoulders and asked me to unchain them. I was afraid to reach down and undo them, but I did. Once they were free, they got into all kinds of trouble. They broke into the pheasant coop, tracked dirt all over my precious carpet in my precious house, and I was upset. The last part of the dream that I remember was that I was walking down the road away from the property, away from the mess.
I had that dream in the fall, and by Dec. 30-31/95 things were not good at home. I managed to go to town the next day for groceries and took my two children with me. Once I was in town, I just couldn't bring myself to go back home. Instead, I went to a women's shelter, where I stayed for one month. It's been many years since I first walked out with my two youngest children. I tried to understand the dreams . I think There were several layers of understanding to that one .
I used to be called a bitch when I stood up for myself, so one of the wolf paintings that I did was a wolf taking a drink, and the reflection is a woman. My Mom bought me the book "Women Who Run With Wolves," so I think of that painting as "The Bitch," the female wolf, the wild woman within.